Do You Love Me? Do You Really Love Me?

In the Love Chapter (1 Corinthians 13), we're told we can have everything this world has to offer; beauty, wealth, popularity, great athletic ability and so on - but it's worth nothing if we don't have love. Love is patient, kind, trusting. Love doesn't keep count of wrongs. Love isn't rude or boastful. Jesus expressed love to everyone He met in such a way that they would never forget. Jesus is the perfect example of what love looks like...He gave up His life for me. I know that I know that I know that Jesus loves me.

Wouldn't you like to know that the people in your life were that certain of your love for them? 

Monday morning I woke up at 2:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Usually when this happens God wants to share with me an upcoming message, but not this time. As I waited to get sleepy I did hear from God; He nudged me to write a blog post about something that we had been talking about lately.  How cool is that?! So, here we go...

I love being a minister! It's not what I planned to do, (which if you read my last blog you'd know) but I've learned and can see how everything in my life led me to this moment, this place, this ministry.  One of my favorite things to do as a minister is to listen. Just about every week I get the privilege of lending my ear,(sometimes I "listen" through a text or fb message).  I listen to people of all ages; some very young children, others are grown-ups at different stages of life and pretty much every age in between. Something that I hear so often is, "I don't feel loved." That makes me sad. We're all looking for love - whether it is from our parents, our spouse, our children, or our friends; we want to know that someone really, genuinely cares about us. I think most of us can relate.

What I've learned is everyone in your life receives love differently; therefore we can't love everyone the same way. God created us as unique individuals and the way we express love to one person, doesn't necessary connect with another.  I've also learned that the way I need to be loved, isn't the way I need to love others. So, how can we receive love the way we need it and express so that those we love know we really love them? 

It's the same as learning to be an effective teacher. Stay with me here, hopefully this will make sense to you. If a teacher wants her class to learn at the best of their abilities, then she will learn how they learn. Every person learns through a different combination of learning styles, (Physical, verbal, visual, etc.) and usually it isn't the same as the teacher. Once a teacher learns how her students learn she can prepare a lesson that will best meet their needs.  Once the students are learning in a way they understand best - they will enjoy what they are doing and therefore learn more. If a teacher never takes the time to observe how the students in her class learn, she will probably teach how it is most comfortable for her. And doing what is easiest and most comfortable for her is not the point.

Expressing love to others is not about me. What's easy and comfortable for me isn't the point. The best way to show love and have a person feel loved is to express love in a way they understand it. It's best to learn how they need to be loved and then practice showing love in that way. Do I have you completely confused? I hope not because getting this concept could be the key to change the way you love forever!

How in the world did I learn this? Through a great study, The FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES!  It was one of the most eye-opening studies I've ever done; eye-opening and life-changing.  Once I learned how the people in my life needed to be loved, a lot of things started making sense.  For example, my son from the time he was very little always liked for either me or his daddy, (often times his big sister would do just fine) to hold him, catch him, swing him, or he'd want to curl up in our lap, lay his head on our shoulder, hold our hand, etc.  He loved to be touching us. Well to be honest, I'm not much of a "toucher" - and I'm ashamed to say it, but he probably heard way too often, "sit up" or "stop wallowing". Well, after taking the love languages survey I learned that one of Andy's top love languages was physical touch. WOW! Now his behavior made a lot of sense.  For Andy physical touches showed love and, not knowing any differently, He gave love in the same way he wanted love, ie, wallowing/touching :)  Well, I immediately began to learn to love Andy in the way he understood and needed to be loved. This is probably when he started getting night-time head rubs and back scratches! But I also found that just sitting close, giving him a pat on the back, or mussing his hair as I passed by - these were all ways of saying, "I love you". 

I learned that one of my husband's love languages was quality time. Sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee on a Saturday morning listening to him talk about his week, his plans, his hopes and dreams was showing him love.  To show my daughter love all she needed was a surprise "little something" or a kind, affirming word. That seemed easy enough. This new life-style was changing the way I loved my family and it was making a difference in our lives. 

Along the way my family learned my love languages too. For me one of my top love languages is acts of service. Once I learned this about myself, I began to see the things my family did for me not has a check list of things to do, but it was their way of expressing their love for me.

That brings me to a couple of questions:

How well do you express love to your family?

How well do they express their love for you?

"Do you love me? Do you really love me?" 

The answer could be as simple as a giving a hug, a surprise bouquet of flowers, a quiet cup of coffee, taking out the garbage or a compliment. If we really want the people we love to know we really love them, then maybe taking the time to learn how they need to be love, and practice loving them in that way would speak volumes and improve your love relationships.

You can go right now to  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ 

and learn how to effectively give love and receive love.      

It could make all the difference in the world. 

By the way: As I am closing this blog, my sweet husband is expressing his love for me... he is unloading the dishwasher!  Gosh, I love being loved!